


pride goes before a fall

by peachsneakers



Series: preservation of the self [13]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxceit - Freeform, Anxiety Attacks, Aromantic Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Depression, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Intrulogical, M/M, Panic Attacks, Queerplatonic Relationships, Quoiromantic Pride Sanders, Ropride, Suicidal Thoughts, Sympathetic Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Sympathetic Dark Sides (Sanders Sides), Sympathetic Deceit Sanders, Wrathality
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-04
Updated: 2020-05-15
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:07:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,903
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23019058
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peachsneakers/pseuds/peachsneakers
Summary: The king is back. But not for long.How is Pride supposed to cope withthis?
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Deceit Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders/Pride Sanders, Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders/Logic | Logan Sanders, Morality | Patton Sanders/Wrath Sanders
Series: preservation of the self [13]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1415608
Comments: 162
Kudos: 214





	1. i must be dreaming 'cause i don't believe in ghosts

"Your Majesty," Pride breathes, thumping gracelessly to his knees. His breath stutters in his chest as he looks up, mouth slack.

Romulus stands before him.

He looks almost the same as Pride remembers, though more disheveled. Remus's characteristic grey streaks one unruly tendril of russet brown hair. Red eyes stare, shocked, into the world.

"I- we-" Romulus stammers, staring down at newly gloved hands. Pristine white, though Pride remembers many a day when the gloves eventually came off, streaked with dust or blood or other unmentionables. Creativity often got messy, after all, sometimes through no fault of his own.

" _How?_ " Romulus- the King- finally settles on, and that breaks the others of their paralysis, though not Pride. Never Pride. He remains on his knees, eyes greedily drinking in the crooked half-smile that has slowly begun to form on Creativity's face, the little crinkle of his freckled nose, the way he keeps unconsciously rocking back and forth on mismatched heels. His outfit is a weird conglomeration of Roman's and Remus's outfits (though it's still a sight for sore eyes, unlike Envy's wardrobe malfunction).

"Are you real?" Pride asks, the sound of his own voice making him jump. He sounds...defeated. Scared. Painfully hopeful, in a way he doesn't want to be, not around these people. Not even around Envy or Jealousy, because he knows they will end up asking questions, and for once, he has no answers.

"Yes," Romulus finally says. The air hangs between them, weighty with unseen promise. "I know that much."

"Are you crying?" Envy asks, tentative. Pride roughly scrubs at his face, surprised to feel the dampness of his fingertips.

"You- you were gone," Pride says weakly. "You-"

"I know," Romulus says, staring down at his hands in bewilderment. He clenches his fists and white flows across his knuckles.

"I'm sorry," Morality whispers, as if it makes up for anything, as if an apology can erase the years of pain and emptiness and the desolate ache when a whole is cleaved in two.

_Shut up,_ Pride thinks, but doesn't say. _Shut up, you don't get to talk to him, he's not yours anymore, he's-_

_Mine?_

"Romulus," Logan says. He looks uncertain for once.

"What's going on?" Romulus asks, looking around and rubbing his head with one hand. He does it just like he used to when they were kids, knuckles brushing against tufts of hair in a careless motion. Pride's throat tightens until it hurts. 

"Roman and Remus fused," Virgil offers. "Like in _Steven Universe_ , I guess. You're- uh- Romulus."

"Roman and Remus," Romulus says, testing the names on his tongue. "They sound familiar. Very familiar." He makes a face. 

"They should," Deceit says dryly. He's recovered much faster than anyone else, as he flows up to Romulus's side. "Do you feel all right?"

"Yes- No-" he immediately contradicts himself. "I don't know."

"Is this permanent?" Jealousy asks, the one question Pride both yearns to know the answer to and desperately doesn't.

"I don't think so," Romulus answers honestly. Pride winces before he can stop himself, catching the king's attention. He stretches out one hand, helping a dazed Pride to his feet.

"I'm sorry," Romulus says lowly, just loud enough for the two of them. He grimaces. "Are you-" Unconsciously, Pride traces a line across his chest, his eyes widening.

"Please stay," he says, urgent, past the point of caring about the others' reactions. Damn the others. This is- This is too important for the others to matter.

"I'm sorry," Romulus repeats, with real regret. "But I can't."

Another brilliant flash of white light sears Pride's eyes, sending him stumbling backward. When it clears, Roman and Remus are tumbled in a heap on the floor, wide-eyed with confusion.

Without a word, Pride turns on his heels and nearly sprints out of the room, ignoring Morality's pathetic calls to come back.


	2. for lack of a were bear (thank god)

"I should go after him," Roman blurts out. His head feels like it might split open, swirling with memories that are his and aren't his all at the same time. He can see the same bewilderment reflected in his brother's glass green eyes, as Remus constantly looks over himself, searching for any hint as to what transpired when they-

When they fused, Roman is forced to acknowledge to himself. They became one person again, and he doesn't know why. He knows that he's never seen Pride with that much hope in his eyes before and it devastates him to have seen how quickly that hope was crushed, into nothing but splinters.

"Maybe we should leave him alone for a bit," Patton suggests, uncertain.

"No," Wrath interrupts him. "No, I- I can't say why, but fuck no, he shouldn't be left alone."

"I'll go," Roman volunteers once more. The other twins- the natural ones, the ones that were always two in body and two in spirit- eye him suspiciously. Jealousy's chin juts out, his grip on his baseball bat tightening.

"Don't hurt him," Jealousy says. He sounds like he wants to be tough, but his voice keeps trembling. "Don't you fucking _dare_."

"I won't," Roman promises, although he has no idea how he's to keep said promise. He levers himself to his feet, still shaking, and stumbles in the direction that Pride ran off to. He hopes Pride hasn't retreated to the subconscious. He has no desire to venture in there again, particularly alone.

"Wait for me," Remus protests, but Logan holds him back.

"I think maybe it would be better for Pride if only one person followed," Roman hears Logan explaining. "We don't want to overwhelm him."

Sound advice, Roman thinks. After all, if they both come, won't Pride want- expect-

 _Romulus._ The name echoes in Roman's ears, making him shiver as he creeps down the hallway, eyes scanning each room. King Creativity. He doesn't really remember being Romulus anymore. Or rather, he does, but each memory has been ripped in half. He suspects Remus has the other halves. It makes understanding anything particularly difficult, but he knows one thing. Romulus and Pride were close.

He's also painfully aware that when one became two, he gained a little extra, and he's terrified to think it might come from Pride.

 _Where are you?_ He thinks in frustration, just as he nears Remus's room.

Pride is sitting on the floor next to the door to the Imagination, arms tightly curled around his knees. He doesn't look up when Roman enters and sits cross-legged on the floor next to him, shoving aside a few untidy piles of clothes.

"I almost went through the door," Pride says in a conversational tone. "Then I remembered the were-bear. Do you think it's still there?"

"Probably," Roman says. "One attacked me once. A little while ago. Remus killed it." Pride looks up at that, surprise bright in his eyes.

"Why did one attack you?" Pride asks. Roman swallows, managing a lopsided shrug.

"I said something very stupid," he says. "About my brother. He fled into the Imagination and well, we all went to find him. A were-bear found us first, I was the only one with a proper weapon, it was only fitting I guard the rear, and well-" He shrugs again. "I think I still have the scar." He pulls his shirt aside, revealing jagged white lines. Pride's eyes widen.

"Remus killed it, huh?" Pride asks. Roman nods. "That must have been hard," Pride continues, reflective.

"Why?" Roman asks. Pride turns to face him.

"Destroying one of his creations," Pride says simply. "It must have hurt."

"It did, I think," Roman admits. "But he- he was more concerned about me."

"You are his brother," Pride states. There is no emotion in his tone, but Roman flinches a little anyway. "You don't have to stay here with me," Pride continues, resting his cheek on his bent knees. "I'm not going to do anything foolish. I won't show myself to Thomas or anything. I'm fine."

"No, you aren't," Roman says flatly. Pride winces. "I don't- I don't really remember being Romulus, and I'm sorry for that, I'm sorry I only have bits and pieces, but I know he was important to you and you were important to him, and I know it must have killed you inside to only get him back for so short a time. I don't know how we fused back together, or I'd do it again, and I know Remus feels the same way."

"But Logan-" Pride objects.

"We couldn't be Romulus all the time, of course," Roman says. "But if we could do it again..."

"That's kind of you," Pride says dully. "Really, it is. I appreciate it. But you don't- you can't-" He stops, visibly frustrated. "It's not that simple," he finally says. His fingers reach up, idly tracing a diagonal line across his chest.

"Then explain it to me," Roman says, earnest. "Please. I- I want to help you. _We_ want to help you."

"You can't help this," Pride says softly, unbuttoning part of his shirt and revealing a livid red-purple scar slashing across his chest. Roman gasps in horror, his eyes going wide. Pride smiles humorlessly, re-buttoning his shirt.

"You're Thomas's ego," Pride says, his voice still just as quiet. "He needs you. Me?" He shrugs, his shoulders stiff. "I'm just- a fragment of a side. A pushed aside, unwanted fragment. I should have been assimilated years ago."

"No," Roman says fiercely. "No, you shouldn't have. You just spent ages in that living room, explaining why Thomas needs you. I- I wish I could-"

"It's fine," Pride says, tired. "Go back. I'll be there soon, I guess. Otherwise, Envy and Jealousy will probably find another table to flip or something. They're very impulsive."

"I've noticed," Roman says dryly. He hesitates, looking at Pride's crumpled figure. The crack in his crown looks larger than ever before. Hesitantly, he asks, "May I hug you?"

"You- what?" Pride asks blankly, lifting his head.

"May I hug you?" Roman repeats. "It's okay if you don't want me to-"

"Please," Pride whispers. Roman opens his arms and Pride flings himself into them, shivering as Roman's arms come around his back and pull him in closer. Roman nearly pulls Pride into his lap, resting his chin on the top of Pride's head as he rubs soothing circles on his back and whispers soothing nothings into the soft fluff of his hair. Slowly, he realizes his shirt is growing more and more damp.

Pride's crying.

"Let it out," Roman murmurs, as loudly as he dares. "Let it all out."

The two sit together on the floor of Remus's bedroom, hugging so tightly it feels like neither of them will ever let go, and Pride cries and cries, shoulders shaking.

"Thank you," Pride finally mumbles, sniffing.

"Always," Roman says. He makes to move away a little, but Pride's arms tighten that much more around his middle, and he settles back into the hug.

Everything else can wait.


	3. a three-way reunion, remus style

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> holy shit is this an update

"They're taking too long," Remus says, frowning, as he glances in the direction his brother and Pride took. He's still huddled on the floor, arms wrapped around his knees (in eerie mimicry of Pride, if he but knew it).

"They'll take as long as they need to," Logan answers, rubbing soothing circles on Remus's back. "It shouldn't be rushed."

"I want-" Remus stops himself, frustrated. He already knows what Logan will say, but he also knows that the longer he stays out _here_ , the more he thinks he belongs in _there_.

"If they don't come back in the next ten or fifteen minutes or so, you can find them," Logan finally tells him, making his shoulders sag in sudden relief. The itch that's persisted in his brain ever since one became two once more eases.

He doesn't know how to explain fusing with his brother. It doesn't feel real. It feels like- like getting lost in the subconscious, where the walls keep cracking into enormous, jagged pieces and the floor is lava. Nothing but lava. His memories are ripped in half, and what can you do with half the playbook? Nothing, that's what. You can't even make something wholesome out of table salt if you rip it apart. You'll kill everyone. Remus feels like a ticking time bomb, ready to explode and rain down shattered bits of shrapnel all over the living room.

_And then there's Pride-_

Pride, and he doesn't know how to explain it, the Side's real name hovering on the tip of his tongue, just beyond reach, no matter how much he thinks of grabbing the fucking thing and ripping it out of his own mouth. Pride and half-formed snapshots of playground scrapes and basketball courts, of scabbed knees touching and matching unruly heads bent over this or that. Of something that reminds him of his own mishmash of emotion toward Logan, but different. Of squishing bugs with gloved fingers and wishing on fireflies with awed faces.

Envy and Jealousy keep glancing down the hallway, too, vibrating with nervous energy that's just beginning to spill into anger once again. The original argument hasn't been forgotten, just put on hold, thanks to Pride's disappearing act and Remus-

_Romulus_ -

Thanks to his fusion with his brother. He never wants to see Pride's face drop that suddenly into devastation again, no matter how much this has put Remus solidly on edge. On edge like the fluted edge of a razor blade, like the glittering edge of a butcher knife, like-

"It's been fifteen minutes," Logan murmurs. "If I were you, I'd leave now." He nods toward Envy and Jealousy, squaring up with Wrath, Patton half-hidden behind him. "I have a feeling that things are about to 'get ugly,' as it were."

Remus embraces ugliness as a matter of course but he takes the hint anyway, shuffling toward the promise of escape on his knees. 

"Don't think we've forgotten what you did-" Envy starts, as Remus makes the dubious sanctuary of the hall and curls himself around the corner, trying to block it out. He needs to find the others, that irresistible pull tugging him forward once again. He doesn't question it. 

There is no need to rummage around in the other rooms, to clatter around and try to find them. Somehow Remus just _knows_. And sure enough, when he gets to the doorway to his room, Roman and Pride are collapsed on the floor, the only sound Pride's quiet sniffles and Roman's equally soft murmurs of reassurance. It's a touching scene and one that Remus is suddenly, terribly afraid that he's going to destroy.

"Hey," he croaks out, because what else can he say, and the two leap apart as if they've just been splashed with heavy duty acid. Remus bites back a sigh.

"Do the others need us?" Roman asks, glancing up. Remus shrugs, collapsing to a seated position next to both of them.

"Don't know, don't care," he says. "I think the other twins are about to fight Wrath, but I'm pretty sure they're all kinda evenly matched, so."

"Why did you come here?" Pride asks. His voice sounds raw and Remus winces in sympathy.

"Well, it is my room," he points out. "And it just- it felt right." It sounds stupid, saying it like that, but it's all he _can_ say. "I'm sorry," he blurts out. "For- for everything."

"You have nothing to be sorry for," Pride says. He pauses. "Except perhaps the were-bear," he finally says. "You are allowed to apologize for the were-bear."

"I'm sorry I booby trapped the door, too," Remus says. The bandages on Pride's hands consume his vision, swallowing him in gauze.

"Roman told me about the were-bear you destroyed," Pride says. He looks very small, crumpled in on himself. "That must have been difficult for you, destroying one of your creations."

"I didn't really think about that," Remus admits. "I couldn't- He could have been really hurt." _Could he have died?_ The thought fills Remus with queasy horror.

A slight smile crosses Pride's face, tinged with wistfulness.

"He would have been like that, too," Pride says. Remus doesn't have to ask who Pride's referring to.

"I think Thomas should get to know you," Remus says suddenly. "I- I know it's a lot, but maybe it's like ripping off a band-aid! Or stabbing an infected wound! You just gotta let it all out!"

"Thanks for comparing me to pus," Pride says, his voice dry.

"You're welcome," Remus says, drumming his fingers aimlessly on one leg. Roman slings an arm around his shoulders, grounding him.

"We should return," Pride says reluctantly. "The twins-"

"You're not their keeper," Roman says. Pride levels him with an incredulous stare.

"I might as well be," Pride says. "Have you forgotten our little...confrontation in the subconscious already? Speaking of..." Pride swallows, his Adam's apple bobbing. "I apologize," he says. "For calling you what I did. It was- uncalled for."

"I called you a bitch, so," Remus says, shrugging. "The two probably equal out somehow."

"Yes, well," Pride says. "I- I probably deserved it."

"Hey, Pride?" Roman asks. "Can I- can I hug you again?"

"Ooh, are hugs on the menu?" Remus asks, eyes darting between the two of them. "Because I can _do_ hugs."

"Er-" Pride stalls, before finally settling on his answer. "Sure?"

Before the last echoes of his response have fully died away, Remus has launched himself across the room, engulfing Pride in a kraken-worthy hug.


End file.
